Monday, 1 May 2017

Update Time

I've been staring at a blank screen for about an hour now not knowing what to write or what I want to write. I've been feeling a bit all over the place at minute there's so much going on but I feel like I'm just sleep walking through it.
I'm not sure if it maybe is that for once in my life i'm relaxed and my worrying is at a minimal. It is very strange, I don't care about things that would normally drive me to tears and I'm very focused on me, only me at the minute. That's never been something I've done, there are different types of people in the world and I've always been a worrier, someone who feels that i hold everyone else's responsibility on my shoulders. Lately however, I just really couldn't give a toss.

My head has been so focused on certain things. I have been determined to lose weight and make myself the healthiest I could be (She says while watching cupcake wars) and I've wanted to be this determined for years. So now that I am, i'm not letting anything distract or stop me. I have this mentality that it's now or never, I can't keep promising myself I'll try this time and give up within a week. Life's way too short to keep saying you'll do it later whether it is going to the gym or just getting that one thing you've been meaning to do all week. Just get it done, your future self with love you for it.

My A-level exams are in two weeks and I try to panic but It's just not gonna happen, I'm worryingly laid back about it all. If last years Em could see me now she'd honestly shit bricks. "Emily you've got an essay in tomorrow" No worries It'll be done. Honestly who am I? I know I'm going to get everything done but I'm gonna do it when I can and when I want so why should I worry? I don't know, am I making any sense? I'm just trying to live my life on my own terms. I'm starting to be the one controlling what I do instead of letting everyone else control me and It's fucking great.

So how's Auburn Em gonna be affected? I hear you scream. Well I'm gonna get rid of the pressure that's building up inside of me. I'm not gonna be so focused on views and numbers, the people will enjoy my content when I enjoy writing it. Posts are gonna be planned and more effort is going to put into every post. If I'm not passionate about something, y'all ain't gonna see me writing about it. So bare with me for a few weeks while I get my shit together and get my exams done, I promise the only way is up BABY.

Thanks for getting to the end if you have, the patience you have is honourable. I look forward to furthering our reader-writer relationship *seductive face*. 

Thanks, Em x

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